Tag: how to deal with friends moving away

Have you ever felt guilty about your friendships? Thinking that you’re not great at keeping in touch with friends, or because of your hidden disability, you have had to cancel so many plans with friends at the last minute and disappointed friends? Perhaps you’re feeling like you’re not really a very good friend? It just bothers you.

Well my friend, this video is for you!

I am a big fan of Brendon Burchard. I love the way he teaches and it resonates with me. I was listening to one of his talks on friendship, and it really struck a chord with me. I was thinking that this is something that I struggle with, and carrying around that guilt, trying to understand how I can do better, and where to put your energies. It’s important to be able to let go of the stuff, the heaviness that defeats you. And sometimes carrying around guilt, just adds to the heavy baby!

Brendon talked about putting friendships into three categories, to help you manage them better and say adios to the guilt. It really helped me, and as I share my takeaways, I hope they help you.

Let’s dive straight in.

Old Friends

So here we’re talking about friends you have had from a long time ago. Friends from the past (not old as in age!), maybe from school or from old workplaces. Friends who you may not have been in touch with for a while, but you have some good memories about those friendships. What I learnt from Brendon when he was talking about this group of people, is that actually, it is okay to have peace with letting go of friendships because they have lived out their timing. People come into our lives, sometimes for a season or a particular time, and we can have a lot of guilt about that like, ‘why didn’t I keep in touch?’.

Sometimes the fact that you haven’t kept in touch, is a bit of an indicator of where you’re at, and whether or not those friendships still have value for you. So I encourage you to think about that in your life. If you have friends in this old friends category, you have permission to just be at peace, and let go of that guilt of not staying in touch. It is important to embrace and give thanks for those wonderful memories that you have with them, but let go of the guilt. Are you with me?

Maintenance Friends

These are the kind of friends that you maintain. So this is like friends that you might be in touch with once or twice a year. Actually, in all honesty, maybe some of your family, extended or immediate, might fall into this category. Maybe you send them a birthday card, or Christmas card, and when you do connect, it’s great. ‘How are you doing? What’s new with you? It’s really lovely to speak with you’, and you can feel joy for that person. And it’s okay. It’s fine if you have friends in this category.

Growth Friends

So these are people that you have a real heart connection with. You just ‘get’ them. You love being around them. And you do kind of grow together. So you want to have regular contact with these friends, whether that is speaking each week, each month, or maybe daily! These friends might be your besties, if you have them. They might be friends that you just deeply resonate with and you have such deep laughter with. You want to give a commitment to nurturing that friendship because these are people that you’re going to grow with.

Brendon said a number of things about this category that I found really interesting. It might be that you’re really fascinated by friends in this category. Perhaps you’re loving their personal development journey and you’re inspired to become a better person yourself. Perhaps you both bounce ideas off each other, with that level of connection. Perhaps you have deep trust for them and you may confide in them in a way that you wouldn’t with anyone else. You respect their journey and you understand what goals they are working towards.

Then of course your attitude will be completely different for these friends. You want to prioritise making the time to have some good quality connection. You want to put it in the diary when you’re going to meet up, and to create new experiences together. And there shouldn’t be any guilt here, because you’re aligning yourself with these friends, and consciously putting in the time to be with, and to grow together.

Food for thought?

Maybe this might resonate with you and give you permission to let go of that guilt you’ve been carrying. To feel a bit lighter about the people that you haven’t kept in touch with and perhaps have a different point of reference for how you relate to friends and people in your life.

So over to you. I encourage you to take this opportunity to do a bit of soul-searching of the friendships in your life. Perhaps get your journal out and really work through this. Take an inventory of your friendships. The answers you get may be illuminating. You move through different seasons in your life, and so your friendship desires also change.

I’d love to hear how you get on.